I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
