census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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