Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
