The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
