i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize