There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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