just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
