My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize