So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
