We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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