hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
