I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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