I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
