Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
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FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
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All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm always down for nudity.
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