Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
