Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
