Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
