bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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