You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
