he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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