You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
