Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
