i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Enjoy the penises
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
