Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
