he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
