I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
