I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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