Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
