Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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