See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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