you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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