one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
