When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
