I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
