I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just cut my nipple shaving
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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