So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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