even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
