Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
