Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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