we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
