he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
