Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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