we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
