Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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