Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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