Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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