Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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