i dont even know how to be here
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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