this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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