I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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