so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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