Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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