Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
