I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
