I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
