I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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