but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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