She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
