Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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