like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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