it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
